Victories and Struggles

Sometimes the only thing we have to hold us together and keep us on track is our determination and will power. I know that is how it has been for me the last week. However having survived the week and won the field with nothing more than determination I will say this for its difficulty the victory is sweeter. While this is not a new lesson for me, it is yet another thing I learned from Role Playing Games it is something that it is good to be reminded of.

When we struggle and work for something that increases the value of it to us. Or put another way it focuses on the things that truly have value. The amount of hardship we are willing to endure to achive a desired outcome is based in how badly we want it. Common scents right? But here is the thing when we start to see the road become difficult we have one of two reactions we press on or we start a propaganda campaign.

The propaganda campaign has one target: ourselves. We create reasons why we don't want something we down play its value and we convince ourselves that it is not as great as we had hoped it would be. What we are really doing is making excuses to ourselves so we will not feel defeated when we give in and quit. Like a dog getting ready to lie down we walk in circles contemplating the ground we are on and make a place where all grass of desire is trampled flat. In this little nest of self deception we can stop trying to achieve something without feeling bad, the object of our desire not achieved but the desire its self disposed of.

The hard work will pay off as long as we do not give up and do not stop trying to achieve what we want. Some days the road may seem blocked and the weather stormy. But as we find the right tools and put in the effort the sky clears and stone by stone the road block is dismantled, or the goats well move on. We can achieve anything we do not give up on.

That said there is a wisdom in knowing when to quit, knowing when the effort to achieve something is more then what the object is worth. Unyielding determination can lead to obsession; this is why it is important to keep our goals reasonable and realistic. When we set a goal so far beyond our grasp we do damage to our selves, we create a situation where we will not taste victory and the long hard road of growth and achievement becomes a never ending hamster wheel of drudgery.

Being the stone

Picture if you will a quick flowing stream cascading down from the mountains, winding among the hills and finally emptying out in a river below. The bed of the stream is lined with rocks and pebbles. The swift current of the river kicks the pebbles louse and caries them helplessly towards the river below. The rocks stand firm against the rushing waters letting the waters part around them and flow onward. Which one are you? I know that I used to be a pebble going with the flow letting events and circumstance drag me were they would but lately I like to think I am becoming more like the stone.

The river

First let's look at the river. It flow represents time, the floods of activity the droughts of inopportunity and the regular flow of day to day living. The currents are the pull of circumstances and events in our lives and when they are strong enough they can shift even the mightiest bolder from one place to another. We must understand that the flow of the river and its life altering currents are not an enemy but neither are they our friend, they just are. A kind of wisdom is knowing when to fight the current and when to go with it.

The pebble

There is nothing wrong with being a pebble especially while you are young. The pebble is tossed about by the current and dragged from place to place. This is a great way to gain knowledge and experience the world around you but it does have its draw backs. For one thing when we move as a pebble we are not working towards any one goal. While we see the world and what it has to offer our perception of it is limited by being on the guided tour so to speak, we only see what events and circumstance are willing to show us. The other disadvantage of the pebble is that it tends to stay in the same place in time and life experiences. The pebble moves with the water which is the flow of our lives so it becomes stuck in an unchanging way of living.

As the pebble travels down the river it will one day, with luck and a shift from publish thinking to stonefish thinking find a place on the river bottom to settle.

The stone

Having banged around the river bed and finally found a good place to rest the stones of the world stand firm letting the experience of life wash over them. While these experiences might change them they do not move the stone as far or as often as they do the pebble. The stone instead changes the cores of events and currents based on its shape. For us this means that we are working towards our goals, we are working to change the patterns in our life and create stability for ourselves. We do this by becoming aware of our own habits and nature or if you prefer our temperament. With this awareness comes the ability to stop ourselves from making the mistakes of our youth while at the same time nurturing the tendencies that caused us to make good decisions in the past.

The broken pattern and perseverance

First off today a bit of personal news. i have started a second blog related to my favorite hobby: gaming. This cam about because a number of my friends who have tried to read this blog could not get exited about personal growth (this stuff is only interesting if you are doing ti or working up the courage to do it But if you are it is fascinating) but were interested in my thoughts on the subject of gaming. So if you have an interest in the hobby go take a look at the GM's study.

Keeping the gaming theme alive I have a story about perseverance that comes from the gaming table. This story comes again from the amber diceless rpg, first a little bit of background on the game we were in, then the story of Corry and the broken pattern. The game is set in the world of Rodger Zalazneys Amber Chronicles; here is brief explanation from wikipdiea:

In the Amber stories, Amber is the only true world; all others, including our Earth, are but "shadows" of the tension between it and Chaos. A second world, the Courts of Chaos, is situated in Shadow at the very edge of Chaos itself. Royals of Amber who have negotiated the Pattern, can freely travel through the shadows. By shifting between shadows, one can appear to alter reality by simply choosing which elements of which shadows to keep, and which to switch between.

In the game you play one of these Royals of amber or the courts as you via for power and position among your peers.

The pattern is the source of all power for the Amberights, once they walk the pattern (a grueling and potentially deadly task) they are free to travel through shadows. However it is possible for other false or lesser patterns to be created an event that would be disruptive to reality remaking it in the image of the one who rebuilt the pattern.

Corry's character in the game came upon one of these lesser patterns, worse yet an incomplete and broken pattern. To walk it might bring him power but the energy of it was unbounded and could kill him still he set foot on it and began to walk. The game master described how he became nauseous. all Corry said is "I press on" A few steps farther in the game master told him it was like waling through a wall of molten lead. "I press on" was the response. Next he was told he could feel his bones begin to break from the effort and still he said "I press on".

Now the game master hand not meant for anyone to walk this pattern but was moved and inspired by Corry's perseverance. a tornado of light descended on him whisking him away from the pattern and dumping him were he needed to be. Not were he wanted to be but were he should be.

Since that game session when things get tough my friends and I will still call out "I press on" It has become a symbol for us of perseverance, the willingness to suffer for worthwhile results. I press on is a place I can draw strength from when I need it as well as a smile and a laugh in tough times.

What symbols do you use to motivate yourself? As always have a great day and fallow the feed.

How to blog with a cat in your lap

As I was sitting down writing yesterdays post my cat sunny jumped in my lap and refused to leave me alone until he got some attention. He was given a few quick pets and then politely shown the door since I was on a schedule yesterday but it got me thinking. How do we deal with the distractions that creep up in our daily lives?

There are relay only two different kinds of distractions: the ones we expect and the ones that come out of know where. The ones we expect are easy to deal with we make time for them or we develop statageys to avoid them all together. TV shows, video games, and emails are just some examples of these distractions.

But what about the unexpected distraction, the cat in the lap, the phone ringing while you are working, seeing something wired out of the corner of your eye while taking to some one. How do you deal with these distractions and not let them interfere with our progress? It is actually a trick question: we don't deal with them we need to think in terms of recovering from them.
The moment something becomes a distraction to us it has already had it's impact. What is important is how quickly you are able to refocus yourself on the task at hand.

The same is true when we look at the things that distract us from our personal growth. For example I have been working to limit the number of online games I play. These are a huge time wast for me and in a way a defense mechanism for not dealing with the things that need to be dealt with. While this has been going well for me lately every once in a while a good game will pop up and I will put more time in to playing it then I really should. When I catch this happening I set a time of day were I am aloud to play the game and then try to refocus on the work I am doing. This works as long as I am aware of the distraction and act quickly to recover from it.

Distractions are going to happen to us every day, when we expect them and when we don't. We need to focus on how we recover from the distraction rather then the distraction itself. When you are faced with distractions what strategies do you employ for getting back on track?

Letting it go

We have all been hurt, rejected, and mistreated by others and ourselves. These incidents leave scrapes, scares, and bruises on our emotional self that can cripple us on our journey to our happy little valley. We say to our selves that we could get over it if only so an so would apologize or take us back or whatever but the truth of the mater is the only one who can heal these wounds is ourselves.

The way we do this is truly forgiving those that wrong us, weather it is ourselves or another person. Just telling them that we forgive them is not enough we must understand in our harts that we are over the hurt. Easier said then done right? Here are some ideas on how to make forgivnes real.

The past is the past. No matter how much we might wish to be able to change things that have happened in our lives we can't. What is done is done and we can either agonize about the outcome of a situation or we can move on with our lives. If you are dwelling on things that can't change you are doing the mental equivalent of trying to knock down the Parthenon with one hand. You can push all day but in the end nothing will have changed except you will be tired hungry and defeated. It is better to look at the situation pull what lessons you can from it and walk away. Your effort is better spent on the things that can be changed and the lessons we gain from our injuries help us to avoid the same situations in the future.

Let it all out. Some times we hold on to painful memories because we have never talked about them. The burden of emotional pain is sometimes greater then what we can bear on our own but we try because we don't want to be perceived as winy, week or bitchy. Sometimes the best thing to do is sit down with the person who has wronged you and let them know. Do not attack them but just quietly tell them how what they did made you feel. Make them understand that this discussion is not about them it is about you and your feelings on the matter. And then offer them forgiveness for what they have done.

Forgive your self. The ability to forgive ourselves is one of the most important tools we have. We make mistakes, we don't reach the goals we want to, we hesitate and fail to take an opportunity that life present us. If we dwell on the times we have betrayed ourselves we will find ourselves curled up in the fetal position rocking in a corner crying. We must stop pulling out all our old failures and abusing our selves with them when ever we have a dark moment. The only trick I have found that works for this is to apologize to my self and make the commitment to do better in the future. The I accept the apology and move on from there.

The bottom line is that we must focus on what we can change in our lives and not dwell on the things we can not. We must learn from our actions and the actions of others and use this knowledge to create the life we want to live. Let the hurt go, let the emotional strains of the past relax and move on. Turn your face to the sunrise and press on towards that happy little valley.

Standing on the brink

Last night at 12:01 am I took the next step forward with the search for the life I want. I registered for my classes at the junior college. Doing this has made the going back to school idea that much more real for me and I am starting to get nervous and excited about the semester ahead. These are feeling we all deal with every time we start a new project or commit to any big decision in our lives. How we deal with these emotions can play a big part in how well the project turns out in the end.

There are two different emotions and mental states that we need to deal with in this situation: Nervousness and Excitement. The two often go hand in hand but must be dealt with in diffident ways to increase our opportunities for successes.

Let’s start by looking at nervousness. We get nervous when we worry about failing or when we think something will be too hard. It is not enough to just push the nagging worrisome thoughts out of our head and ignore them. Instead we must look at each worry and weigh it on the basses of its rationality. How do we know if a worry is rational or irrational? By knowing ourselves and being aware of our strengthens and our weaknesses. By knowing your self you will know the areas that could become stumbling blocks for you and when the voice of worry is preaching on the same topic then it is time to do something about it. By creating a plan ahead of time to deal with a possible negative situation if it does arise you will not be caught flat footed. Instead of being knocked to the ground and having to pick yourself back up you will be able to side step the problem and keep moving forward to your goal. The other important thing to remember is what I will call Quinn's first rule: "We only fail when we stop trying."


Now to deal with excitement: The excitement of a new endeavor is what takes us from standing on the brink of doing something great in to the actual action of doing it. The downside of excitement is that it where off a few weeks in when everything starts to become work. We need to nurture our excitement and keep rekindling it. Before you start your new project take a moment look at how you feel and capture that moment and feeling in your mind. Then when the hard work starts to bog you down pull out that mental snapshot and embrace that sens of excitement. By keeping your goals tide to your passion relighting the fire of excitement becomes easy. Remember we are doing what we are doing to achieve something we want, something that excites us.

When we are standing on the brink of a large life changing event it is natural to feel exhilarated by what is coming while still being apprehensive. We worry about if things will work out and if we will be able to achieve the things that we have set out to do. We look forward to getting started and making progress. By nurturing the excitement and addressing the worries we greatly increase our ability to succeed.

As always feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below and have a great day.