Embracing uncertainty

So this is another one of those posts were I am going to talk about gaming and what it has taught me. As a game master you take time to create a story made up of a series of encounters that will be fun and challenging for your players to work their way trough. These encounters are connected by a plot, as well as a system of rules that govern how the players and the challenges interact with each other. As anyone who has run a RPG will tell you players are unpredictable creatures. You build a trap with one way out, maybe the party has to solve a puzzle to disarm it. Instead the players will find a way to blow a whole it the wall. Where is all this going you ask? Stick around and you will see.

Life is uncertain. We do not know what will happen from one hour to the next, what news we will get when the phone rings or if the lottery ticket we just bought is a winner. Uncertainty can be unsettling. It makes us feel uncomfortable and nervous so we need to find a way to deal with it. To minimize the fear that can come from uncertainty we need to learn to embrace it. When we accept uncertainty and plan for it, it allows us to react quickly to surprises. This gives us courage to deal with the changing situation and helps us control where we go next.

As I said before when I am game mastering I am trying to share a story with my players. They however have a huge influence on that story; they make the choice of where they will go, what they will do and how they will do it. This means that while I have a plan it is uncertain what will happen I have to plan for as many of their decisions as I can think of. Will they attack the wizard in his home, will they wait and try to break in when he is not there. Will they sit around and keep doing research. Once they make there decision I have maybe a minute to shift gears and react otherwise play slows down. So I have to embrace the uncertainty by planning for the outcome I can see. Let's take this in to the real world.

When we come upon any encounter in life we have two options we overcome it or it overcomes us. There may be grey areas in-between, partial successes, for example: maybe the lottery ticket is only a $10 winner. Before we enter the encounter we have to know how we will deal with each of these conditions. This does not mean sitting down and writing out a detailed plan on paper about what happens if we get the job, what happens if we do not but we do have to have a general idea of our next move.

By taking the uncertainty of each of life's encounters in to account we can reduce the paralyzing effects of fear and changing situations. We can react quickly and most importantly we can stay on track.

Today the Editing project continues: In the Beginning

Another new beginning

So I am getting ready to take the plunge and start a business for myself. I am going to take what I have learned here and the changes I have made in my life and put them to work helping others set goals, learn self-confidence and understand what they mean by successes. I am terrified of doing this on several levels. But I also know this is something I can do, and need to do both to overcome the fear of it as well as for financial reasons. So I need to get a plan in gear and get started. First I need to exercise my demons.

In the past I have not had much luck working for myself. As an insurance agent I had trouble brining in clients and did not follow through very well on many of the small details of the business. Back then I was selling someone else's product and ideas and at the same time I learned some truly useful marketing skills. I know with a bit of effort I can develop a basis of clients and keep them coming back on a regular basis. This combined with referrals should be enough to get me started. As for the details and managing those it will be my own system of details rather than the rules of large, heavily regulated corporations dictating what is important. I have talked about taking back the battle field before and I think this is another one that needs reclaiming.

I also worry that I am not qualified to do this work. I am afraid I will give the wrong advice or that someone will take what I show them the wrong way. This is a silly thing to worry about because I give advice away for free every day and don't worry about it. People come to me with questions and I give honest responses. The problem I think comes from claiming to be an expert or an authority on anything. My qualifications are simply this: what I have done has worked for me and it can work for others.

The biggest fear I have though is that no one will want my help. I fear rejection more them pretty much anything else. I think this is what is truly at the root of my procrastination what if I start marketing myself and no one calls no one even take my number off the flyers. That thought terrifies me. This is what I have to work on now, not just in the context of the business but in the context of life in general. I will need to figure out a system I can use for this if any one has any suggestions let me know.

Thank you all for sitting with me as I fight back these negative thoughts. I would not even be considering this course of action if it was not for the great readers and commenter's I have had here. Your insights and encouragements have meant a lot to me and done wonders to help build my confidence. Once again thank you all and I will be back with more of my thoughts on personal growth and living the life we want to rather than the life society tells us to live tomorrow.

Don't jump on the kitchen counter

Once again my cat, Sunny, has proven to be a good teacher of life lessons. The first thing you need to know is that like most cats, Sunny hates the vacuum. When it comes out he impudently starts looking for a safe place to hide out. Over the weekend we were cleaning the house but did not want the kitty to get in the bedroom, where he normally would hide. Out came the vacuum cleaner and he started tearing around the living room and kitchen looking for somewhere he could escape the terrible beast. He finally deseeded to jump on the kitchen counter, this was an act of desperations, he knew it was somewhere he should not go but still it seemed better then facing is fear. We are all like that some time jumping to a bad place when we get scared.

Being scared primes us to react and unless we are watching our own actions we will probably do something we don't want to do. First of all we have to understand intellectually most things in our lives that scare us are not things that will kill us. We have time to think time to reason and most importantly time to plan our reaction. The last, planning our reactions, is crucial if we are not going to jump to a bad place. The time to trust our instincts is in the moments of near death, the car swerving towards us, tripping and falling, or someone jumping out in front of us on a dark street. These are the times were our flight or fight reflex kicks in and can do its job. However these are only a small percentage of the fear inducing situations we encounter on a regular basses in our modern world. What we most often run into is the fear of embarrassment, of looking out of place and being made to look the fool.

When we know we are going to be walking in to a scary situation, job interview, public speaking, or a hard talk with a spouse or child, we need to have a plan. Here are a few things we can do to keep our selves feeling safe and still keep from making matters worse.

Take a deep breath: When we get scared the body pumps out adrenaline giving us a little extra umfe to deal with the threat. Unfortunately this also makes us jumpy and a bit twitchy. Taking a deep breath brings more oxygen in to the body which will help cut the effects of the adrenaline surge.

Know where you are going: Chances are that you will know you are headed in to a scary place before hand. Knowing why you are there, what you want to accomplish and how you are going to get out is a great way to keep yourself from jumping on the counter so to speak.

Know where you don't want to be: Just as we can plan were we are going we can be aware of where the bad place to jump to is. When having a hard talk with the special people in our lives it is easy to push their buttons just to get a reaction. This does not make them more receptive to us.

Control your body: If we stand strait and tall and adapt a posture of confidence that will trigger us to act in a more confident manor. When we are feeling more confident the effects of fear diminish. So before you walk in to your personal lion's den take control of your body set yourself and then walk in.

Control your mouth: When we are tense and nervous we will try to fill the silence, especially in an awkward social situation. If we do not pay attention to what we are saying we can often do more harm than good.

When the vacuum cleaner of life is chasing you around what do you do to make sure you don't jump on the counter? Let me know in the comments and have a beautiful day.