Thoughts About Money Part I

I used to hate money. I saw it as a system of control and complication and, to some extent, I still feel that way. I am not quite comfortable with money. I worry about not having enough of it to pay my bills, but if I have it then I have to be responsible for it.

I think this is the big hurdle I have to overcome to help myself become financially secure: being willing to accept the responsibility of dealing with money. I am not sure why I do not want this responsibility, but I don't. My financial day dreams are not so much about having a lot of money as they are about not having to worry about having enough money to do the things I want to do.

Part of this comes back to commitments, I guess. Having money and knowing it has to be spent on the responsible things instead of the new toys, games and gadgets is hard for me. To change my relationship with money I have to not be afraid of being responsible with it.

Part of this fear comes from my failure to be responsible with it in the past. This is another battlefield that I have to reclaim.