On Compromise

Yesterday I pointed out the need for compromise in a world of limited resources. But what exactly is compromise and when should we be willing to do it?

Before we go further, there is a negative attitude towards compromise. When our politicians do it they are called weak or are said to flip flop. When we do it we worry that we too will appear weak. So let’s start by looking at what compromise is not. It is not giving in; it is not surrendering what you want in favor of what someone else wants, and it is not giving up. Compromise is not weakness. It is instead the very stone used to build the foundation of society.

Compromise is a method of finding an agreeable solution between two groups with different ideas about how things can be. At the heart of compromise is finding out what is really important to each participant and how those things can be preserved for both sides in the final outcome.

To do this we need to understand what we are trying to achieve in a situation and be willing to listen to what others are trying to achieve. We must also accept that we may not get our ideal solution, but instead find a solution that gives everyone something of what they want.

Start by identifying the things that would be nice but are not necessary, the frills that could be sacrificed to save the dress so to speak. Once you know what those are, look at what you really want again and see what could be modified, what could be changed to deliver the same result in a different way. This gives you areas to compromise on without giving up everything.

We also have to know what we are unwilling to give up, the core of what is important to us in the compromise. What are the things that are so important that we cannot back down without losing a part of who we are?

With that in mind compromise should always be the first attempt we make to resolve conflict. As long as we can reach an agreement that protects those core outcomes we can find resolution.

6 C's

Everything has its limits.

If you can be confident, consistent and creative you can build successes in a vacuum.

These three characteristics when brought together allow us to redefine our world. Confidence gives us the belief to change the world. Consistency keeps us working to make that change a reality. Creativity allows us to create the opportunities to enact the change we seek. When we realize the changes in our lives that make our world the place we want to live, then we have found success.

The problem is, these three C’s will not guarantee you successes in the world. In the world we have another C which gets in the way, competition. It is a simple fact that there is only so much to go around. Money, time, and resources, they are all limited and in trying to create the world we want we have to use these things.

This can bring another C into the picture, conflict. When we compete with others for resources we generate the possibility of conflict. We want and they want and that means there is only enough for one to have. For the most part conflict is a waste of time and energy that could be spent on growth and change. That is not to say all conflict should be avoided, there are times when we must stand up for ideas, beliefs or our own needs. However, most of the time conflict is not the answer.

The answer is the sixth C: Compromise. It may not mean that we always get what we want but it does mean we get most of what we want without impacting the lives of others more than is necessary.

Compromise does not mean defeat; rather it is the redefinition of success. Compromise is accepting the limitations that the world around you places on a situation or an outcome and recognizing that we are and always will be to some extent limited.

This is not to say we should allow compromise to be a cop out. We should never be reaching compromise with ourselves; we should not make our goals easier just to say we have reached them. A compromise is not about making our lives easier it is about avoiding conflict with the world.

If you can be confident, consistent, and creative while being willing to comprise you can build successes in the world.