Controlling the Ride

~photo curtsy of LilGoldWmn

This is the moment when I realize I took on to much

once again.

I have been playing a lot of GemCraft : Labyrinth lately. It started with just trying to get a badge on kongregate, and then I decide to use it for my video game review for the paper. Finally I could not stop playing until I had beaten it. Now I have beaten it and still want to play more.

This is not only because I still find the game challenging and fun. I do, but also because the game illustrates a tendency in myself that I am trying to beat. The game rewards patient, consistent play while giving you the opportunity to take on more then you are ready for.

I have a tendency to do the latter, to say, “I can handle more,” and mash down on the button that will make things go faster. I have this tendency not just in video games but in life as well. It is not so much a lack of patience as a tendency to overestimate my capabilities.

This leads to a roller coaster of high energy manic work trying to keep up with what I have said I would do, and then the car comes off the rails a bit, a few people, I mean projects are thrown out and I find myself burnt out and having to slog up the next hill.

For me the feeling of accomplishment when I beat a level on GemCraft is quite a good reward but the hard part will be transferring the lesson over into real life. I do enjoy being super busy, in bouncing from one project to the next. There is a rush that comes with this sort of manic creativity, however at the same time it does no one any good when we take on more than we can handle.

Part of knowing ourselves is knowing what we can handle and the warning signs when our roller coaster car is about jump the tracks. Keeping inside the edge of our limit is productive, going past them is being unreliable.

Don't jump on the kitchen counter

Once again my cat, Sunny, has proven to be a good teacher of life lessons. The first thing you need to know is that like most cats, Sunny hates the vacuum. When it comes out he impudently starts looking for a safe place to hide out. Over the weekend we were cleaning the house but did not want the kitty to get in the bedroom, where he normally would hide. Out came the vacuum cleaner and he started tearing around the living room and kitchen looking for somewhere he could escape the terrible beast. He finally deseeded to jump on the kitchen counter, this was an act of desperations, he knew it was somewhere he should not go but still it seemed better then facing is fear. We are all like that some time jumping to a bad place when we get scared.

Being scared primes us to react and unless we are watching our own actions we will probably do something we don't want to do. First of all we have to understand intellectually most things in our lives that scare us are not things that will kill us. We have time to think time to reason and most importantly time to plan our reaction. The last, planning our reactions, is crucial if we are not going to jump to a bad place. The time to trust our instincts is in the moments of near death, the car swerving towards us, tripping and falling, or someone jumping out in front of us on a dark street. These are the times were our flight or fight reflex kicks in and can do its job. However these are only a small percentage of the fear inducing situations we encounter on a regular basses in our modern world. What we most often run into is the fear of embarrassment, of looking out of place and being made to look the fool.

When we know we are going to be walking in to a scary situation, job interview, public speaking, or a hard talk with a spouse or child, we need to have a plan. Here are a few things we can do to keep our selves feeling safe and still keep from making matters worse.

Take a deep breath: When we get scared the body pumps out adrenaline giving us a little extra umfe to deal with the threat. Unfortunately this also makes us jumpy and a bit twitchy. Taking a deep breath brings more oxygen in to the body which will help cut the effects of the adrenaline surge.

Know where you are going: Chances are that you will know you are headed in to a scary place before hand. Knowing why you are there, what you want to accomplish and how you are going to get out is a great way to keep yourself from jumping on the counter so to speak.

Know where you don't want to be: Just as we can plan were we are going we can be aware of where the bad place to jump to is. When having a hard talk with the special people in our lives it is easy to push their buttons just to get a reaction. This does not make them more receptive to us.

Control your body: If we stand strait and tall and adapt a posture of confidence that will trigger us to act in a more confident manor. When we are feeling more confident the effects of fear diminish. So before you walk in to your personal lion's den take control of your body set yourself and then walk in.

Control your mouth: When we are tense and nervous we will try to fill the silence, especially in an awkward social situation. If we do not pay attention to what we are saying we can often do more harm than good.

When the vacuum cleaner of life is chasing you around what do you do to make sure you don't jump on the counter? Let me know in the comments and have a beautiful day.

Being the stone

Picture if you will a quick flowing stream cascading down from the mountains, winding among the hills and finally emptying out in a river below. The bed of the stream is lined with rocks and pebbles. The swift current of the river kicks the pebbles louse and caries them helplessly towards the river below. The rocks stand firm against the rushing waters letting the waters part around them and flow onward. Which one are you? I know that I used to be a pebble going with the flow letting events and circumstance drag me were they would but lately I like to think I am becoming more like the stone.

The river

First let's look at the river. It flow represents time, the floods of activity the droughts of inopportunity and the regular flow of day to day living. The currents are the pull of circumstances and events in our lives and when they are strong enough they can shift even the mightiest bolder from one place to another. We must understand that the flow of the river and its life altering currents are not an enemy but neither are they our friend, they just are. A kind of wisdom is knowing when to fight the current and when to go with it.

The pebble

There is nothing wrong with being a pebble especially while you are young. The pebble is tossed about by the current and dragged from place to place. This is a great way to gain knowledge and experience the world around you but it does have its draw backs. For one thing when we move as a pebble we are not working towards any one goal. While we see the world and what it has to offer our perception of it is limited by being on the guided tour so to speak, we only see what events and circumstance are willing to show us. The other disadvantage of the pebble is that it tends to stay in the same place in time and life experiences. The pebble moves with the water which is the flow of our lives so it becomes stuck in an unchanging way of living.

As the pebble travels down the river it will one day, with luck and a shift from publish thinking to stonefish thinking find a place on the river bottom to settle.

The stone

Having banged around the river bed and finally found a good place to rest the stones of the world stand firm letting the experience of life wash over them. While these experiences might change them they do not move the stone as far or as often as they do the pebble. The stone instead changes the cores of events and currents based on its shape. For us this means that we are working towards our goals, we are working to change the patterns in our life and create stability for ourselves. We do this by becoming aware of our own habits and nature or if you prefer our temperament. With this awareness comes the ability to stop ourselves from making the mistakes of our youth while at the same time nurturing the tendencies that caused us to make good decisions in the past.

Temperament and Twain

I have been thinking a lot about my temperament lately. Mark Twain asserts that we are nothing more then servants to circumstance and our temperament and that we can do nothing to change either of those factors. I disagree with him in some aspects but I do think that we are mastered by our temperament.

It's partner is temperament- his natural disposition. His temperament is not his invention, it is born in him, and he has no authority over it, neither is he responsible for its acts. he cannot change it nothing can change it nothing can not modify it-except temporarily. - Mark Twain.

I have been fighting against this thought for the last week but I keep seeing the way it is true in my own life. I have habits and ways of acting that are set in stone, habits I fall back in to without even the slightest provocation. It frustrates me that I am a slave to my temperament but I have come to the decision that it is better to work with it then to strive against it.

Because of our temperament and it's immutable nature we can use our past behavior to predict our future behavior. The best thing we can ever do to change our lives is to know our selves, know our temperament, in that way our actions will not be a surprise to us, and we can avoid situations that cause our temperament to make a bad choice.

So do you struggle with your temperament or have you made peace with it? What are your techniques for avoiding situations were you know that nature of yours will get you in trouble? Let me know in the coments and have a great day.

The broken pattern and perseverance

First off today a bit of personal news. i have started a second blog related to my favorite hobby: gaming. This cam about because a number of my friends who have tried to read this blog could not get exited about personal growth (this stuff is only interesting if you are doing ti or working up the courage to do it But if you are it is fascinating) but were interested in my thoughts on the subject of gaming. So if you have an interest in the hobby go take a look at the GM's study.

Keeping the gaming theme alive I have a story about perseverance that comes from the gaming table. This story comes again from the amber diceless rpg, first a little bit of background on the game we were in, then the story of Corry and the broken pattern. The game is set in the world of Rodger Zalazneys Amber Chronicles; here is brief explanation from wikipdiea:

In the Amber stories, Amber is the only true world; all others, including our Earth, are but "shadows" of the tension between it and Chaos. A second world, the Courts of Chaos, is situated in Shadow at the very edge of Chaos itself. Royals of Amber who have negotiated the Pattern, can freely travel through the shadows. By shifting between shadows, one can appear to alter reality by simply choosing which elements of which shadows to keep, and which to switch between.

In the game you play one of these Royals of amber or the courts as you via for power and position among your peers.

The pattern is the source of all power for the Amberights, once they walk the pattern (a grueling and potentially deadly task) they are free to travel through shadows. However it is possible for other false or lesser patterns to be created an event that would be disruptive to reality remaking it in the image of the one who rebuilt the pattern.

Corry's character in the game came upon one of these lesser patterns, worse yet an incomplete and broken pattern. To walk it might bring him power but the energy of it was unbounded and could kill him still he set foot on it and began to walk. The game master described how he became nauseous. all Corry said is "I press on" A few steps farther in the game master told him it was like waling through a wall of molten lead. "I press on" was the response. Next he was told he could feel his bones begin to break from the effort and still he said "I press on".

Now the game master hand not meant for anyone to walk this pattern but was moved and inspired by Corry's perseverance. a tornado of light descended on him whisking him away from the pattern and dumping him were he needed to be. Not were he wanted to be but were he should be.

Since that game session when things get tough my friends and I will still call out "I press on" It has become a symbol for us of perseverance, the willingness to suffer for worthwhile results. I press on is a place I can draw strength from when I need it as well as a smile and a laugh in tough times.

What symbols do you use to motivate yourself? As always have a great day and fallow the feed.

lessons from a hectic morning

So here it is my first day back to school and I don't have all the time I thought I would. Lost keys, late buses and a long honey do list have conspired to make the morning hectic. So what can I take away from this to make tomorrow go smoother. here are some of my ideas, if you have any tricks for getting over or through a hectic morning I am open to suggestions.

Make time for coffee: Really this is more then just giving our selves enough time to hit up Starbucks, we need to make sure we account for all the time we need to get ready in a realistic an honest fashion and then make sure we have that time.

Use the Scotty principal: This goes hand in hand with make time for coffee in that it focuses on the scheduling side of the problem. In Star Trek Captain Kirk would always need Scotty to fix something, when he asked how long it would take Scotty would tell him some number of hours and Kirk Would demand he have it done in half the time. Some how Scotty would manage to do it, was this because he was a bad ass or because he built the extra time in to his schedule in case he needed it. We will never know but we can take this lesson from him give your self enough time to get things done then give yourself a little more just in case you need it.

Forgive before they apologize: It is a fact of life in my household that we get snappy when we get tense. When we are dealing with loved ones and they get short with us we know they don;t mean it and that most likely they will apologies latter. When time is short don't wast it getting grumpy about how you are being treated this wastes time and energy and focus. Instead just let it go for give them and move on with what needs to get done.

There are probably a few more lessons I can take from this morning but since I am still under the gun to get things done I better not spend to much more time pondering and just get back to doing. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome in the comments, if you like what you see do not fogret to fallow the feed and as always have a wonderful day.

Taking the time to enjoy the cat in your lap

Yesterday I told you how my cat jumped in my lap while I was trying to wright and that got me thinking about distractions and how to avoid them. However sometimes when the cat plops down in our laps we decide to make time for him, rather then avoiding the distractions it is sometimes better to embrace them. By this I do not mean the tendency to avoid working on the things that we need to work on in favor of doing something else. Some times we find our selves overwhelmed by all that is going on around us; at times like this it is nice to step back and let our selves be distracted. Other times Distractions can lead to wonderfull life enriching experience. How do we know when to cout our selves some slack and when to keep slogging away on the task at hand.

The only real key we have for this situation is our intuition and knowledge of our selves. We know when our stress levels get to high and we need that moment of rest or to hear that conferting voice on the other end of the phone line. If we do not allow our selves these mometns of peace we let even the things we are doing for our selves become toil. Being able to spend time with our loved ones or set things aside for a half hour to have coffee with a friend is at the hart of the entire purpose for creating the lives we want. If we can not control our schedules to include time for joy and friendship then we are right back were we started.

The other type of positive distraction is the one that leads us to opportunity for life changing experience and creating great memories. If we close our selves out to everything that is going on around us and only focus on the things we are working on we miss out. How do we know when an opportunity is going to become something more? We don't other then to trust our gut, fallow our intuition, and fallow our hart.

The true key to all this is knowing what you want and what you need and knowing how to tell the two apart. Knowing when to indulge and when to be strict with our selves. In the comments to yesterdays post Patty of why not start now fame left this thougth wich gets cuts right through this decision making proses.

Things like a purring cat, a phone conversation with my husband, a beautiful song on the radio - I want to stop for a few moments and relish those because they are meaningful to me. That makes it easier to get back on track. But a lot of the other stuff, like games or internet surfing, yeah, those are a huge time suck. And there's an addictive quality to them. So sometimes I can get back on track by asking myself, "what do I truly need right now?" Usually it's not the distraction I truly need.

So when the cat of distraction jumps in your lap how do you deal with it. Do you give it a few scratches behind the ear and send it on it's way or do you get out the cat toys and enjoy some quality time with it? I advise you to do some of both. Doing to much of one and to little of the other will not lead to a balanced happy life.

Reclaiming the battle field

In all our lives we have suffered failures that have left our self image laying limp and lifeless on the muddy battlefield. Sometimes the scars of these battles have become the seeds of low self confidences or shyness or another defeatist attitude. No matter what the attitude is it will hamper our growth and stops us from living the life we want. Today we are going to talk about going back and gaining victories on that battlefield, taking back what has been taken from us and using that energy to reclaim the life we want.

Before we go any farther I want to make it clear this is not a fix for every problem and every failure in your life. As tools go this one is more of a hammer then it a multi tool. It will do one thing and do it well so it is up to you to know when to use it.

As I announced last week I am going back to school. I have decided to start my course work at my local junior college for a few reasons, it is convenient to where I live, it is cheap to go there (comparatively) and it is a good school. While all those were factors in my decision they were not the main reason I have chosen to return to the JC. This school is one of the places where I feel I have been defeated in the past and I want to get a victory there in order to help build my scholastic confidences.

When I did my first few trips to collage I was there for the wrong reasons: It was what you did after high school, my parents wanted me to go to school and it was better than working full time. However I went in with no real idea of what I wanted to get out of the processes so instead of getting an education I sat in the student lounge and learned to play bridge. Because of this I never left the junior college for a four year school and I have spent my life drifting from jobs that require more training then education. These jobs have left me feeling unsatisfied and rather unworthy of many of the things I want in life.

Now I am going back to school and I am starting were I have faltered before to prove to myself I can win on this battlefield. This time I am coming armored in purpose, armed with a set of goals I wish to achieve and with my life map and personal compass ready to consult should I find myself drifting off course. When I win this battle I know that I will be able to use the momentum I gain from it to bring me to the end of my studies and out the other side to a job I want and can take pride in.

So how can we generalize this tactic? This idea is simple but the execution can be hard or downright scary. Think of a situation that went badly solely based on your action. Now try to recreate that situation and relive it in a positive way. Use the self understanding and growth you have undergone since your defeat to not only take the field again but to win. Part of this process is knowing when to pick the fight, do it on your terms and your own time.

This advice may seem general at first and it is each battle we face will require different tactics but at the same time if we do not choose to refight our old battles then we are left with the defeat. Taking up arms and challenging the events in our lives that have created our negative attitudes will help us create a new positive mind set. If you have any thoughts or questions I would love to hear them in the comments below. Be valiant, be brave and have a great day

Being Thankfull for Adversity

This thanksgiving you will be bombarded with reminders to be thankful for what you have and lists of things people are thankful for. While it is important to remember how good we have it, thankfulness can be a powerful tool in other ways. Being thankful has the ability to change our mood, bringing with it clarity and calmness. One important time to be thankful is when we are facing adversity.

When times are rough it is hard; things do not go the way we played. It becomes easy to be bitter. I encourage you in times like these to set the bitterness aside and look for the lessons you can learn. By seeing what adversity can teach us and learning the lessons while in the midst of tribulation we can begin to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness even while we are caught in the maelstrom.

By creating this attitude of thankfulness we can find the calm to deal without hardships and the clarity to see the solutions for our problems. So I exhort you to be aware of the lessons you can learn from the trials you go through in your life and be thankful for them.

Have a great thanksgiving, be good to those around you and have a great day.