Look for different eyes

Whenever we work on a project whether it is personal growth, cleaning our room or planning a party we can be blinded by our perceptions. These perceptions include the way we see things and the way we expect things to be. Our perceptions are different from others perceptions because they see the world differently, they expect different things and they hold different things as important. This is why when we work on anything important we need to bring a different set of eyes to the project.

Wanting someone else's impute on something does not make us weak, indecisive or stupid. Instead it is a way to illuminate our own blind spots. For me one problem I deal with is my own internal logic. This particularly comes in to play when I am writing a story, I know so much more then the reader I sometimes forget to share information with them because from where I stand it seems obvious to me. The solution to that is getting someone to take a look at the story to find the flaws and point them out to me.

The hard part is to do this we have to open ourselves to criticism. We have to distance our self emotionally form this; it is not an attack on our ego or our intelligence. Instead it is advice we can learn from. Allowing yourself to hear about the flaws in your work without taking them as personal attacks gives you a blue print for improvement. This may seem like common sence and most of us do this with things like school work or making plans with friends however we need to do the same thing with our own personal development.

Nowhere is it easier to tell ourselves lies, have blind spots or hide from the truth then in our own growth. We need to find people we trust and know are not out to hurt us and tell them the things we are trying to work on and ask them if they have seen improvement. If this is something you don't do on a regular basis you may be surprised by some of the answers. Remember these people you are going to should be your friends, people who love and acsept you despite any problems they see you having. If they point to a flaw you never realized in yourself before then don't get mad think about it.

We all need to see ourselves with other eyes.

Today the Editing project continues: Life mapping

Meet adversity head on

Life will throw you curve balls, it's a given. Sometimes we hit them out of the park and we see them as opportunities. Other times we pick up a strike and move on. Then there are the times that the pitch hits us. What do you do when the random and tumultuous nature of life leaves you hurting, emotionally, physically, and financially? Often times when this sort of trouble comes in to your life the only on you have to count on is yourself and those whose lives are tide to yours, spouses lovers parents and siblings. While this help from outside is nice and useful the most important resource we have is our own attitude in the face of adversity.

The first thing to understand is to make time for grief. Every situation will be different sometimes there is an opportunity for grief and regret out front other times action is needed right away and we must put our feeling aside and get the job done. Either way it is important to understand that grief and sadness are natural and should be allowed to take their course. When we work too hard to push these so called negative emotions out of our lives we create more emotional baggage for ourselves.

When life has hit us with a gut punch it is easy to retreat and curl up in a nice safe place and shut the world out. This does not work; the hardships and bad times in our lives are patient bullies. They are willing to wait outside our door all day and night while we hide in our beds but when we step outside they are ready to take our lunch money once again. Like a bully the problems in our life only go away when we stand up to them. Action is the key to overcoming. As finding the right time to grieve will be different each situation has its own set of actions that need to be taken in order to find resolution.

These actions are not always obvious or clear or easy that is one reason it is important to have a network of support in place. We all must have our trusted advisers, those people who we can turn to who we know have our best interest at hart. This is another key to overcoming hardship we should not do it alone. When we find ourselves in adversity it often times will bruise our ego and we become afraid of what people will think of us if they find out. Those people in your life who love you love you. They want what is best for you and will help you in any way they can. It should be noted here that a true friend will most likely give the help that we need (if they are able) rather than the help that we want. Be grateful for the help that is given whether it was what you asked for or not.

The other key element to overcoming adversity is to learn. Every hard ship and every joy in our lives brings lessons we can learn. We can come to understand ourselves better and we can figure out what we did to contribute to the situation at hand. We can see the things we did or the things we did not do that caused a situation to come in to existence and in the future devise a plan to change our course of action. This is not just a key to overcoming hardship this is a key to growing as a person: learn from your mistakes and your accomplishments in equal measure.

So when life gets ruff and scary take a moment to gather your thoughts, your emotions and stand up to the monsters and beasts in your life. Only through rational, responbul action and the help of good friends can we get through the tuff times.

The Dangers of Optimism Desire and Excitement

So last night I was sitting here brain fried from a good day of school and too much studying and decided to do some random web surfing. With a bit of synchronicity reality decided to validate my point from yesterday by showing me this video and instantly providing inspiration from it. For those of you who can't get to the video it is just a silly little shot of a cat getting its head stuck in an ice cream container and in some ways aren't we all like that cat. We see things we like and we dive in trying to get everything we can out of an idea or opportunity without really looking at the dangers it may poss.

We tend to be blinded by three things when we start on a new project: optimism, desire, and excitement. These three are all good to have to a degree but when they overrule our rational thought and damage our decision making process then we find ourselves in trouble, in over our head and just plain stuck. Let's take a look at each of these ideas and see how to harness them while avoiding the blinding glare of their bright light.

Optimism: When we start a new project all we can see is the way it will succeed, this is so true that American culture has proverb after proverb that deal with this. We are told "do not count your chickens before they hatch" or maybe "Look before you leap". The one that holds the key to not letting over optimism ruin the goal is "Hope for the best plan for the worst." If we do not look at the things that could go wrong at the outset of a new venture we will never see the rewards that can be gained. A strong conviction that successes is inevitable is a powerful tool and can definitely see us through the dark times when a project bogs down but it must be tempered by a complete understanding of the perils and pitfalls that face the project.

Desire: Even more then optimism folk wisdom warns us against unchecked desire. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." "All that glitters is not gold." When we see what we want and rush headlong in to its arms we may find that it is not an old lover returned from afar but a stranger that may react cruelly to our sudden exuberance. We see what we want and we go for it but we must be honest with our self is what we are feeling truly love or lust. Lust burns hot and quick with a desire more potent then love as the first sparks take hold. However those fears passionate flames die out quickly leaving nothing more than ashes behind. Love on the other hand stays the fire burns on and on keeping us warm through long winter nights and cooking our food in the summer. When we dive headfirst in to something new we find ourselves stuck with the trappings or consequences of our actions much like a young woman who finds herself pregnant after a one night stand. In deed we must take the time to date the idea, the item, the plan in order to get to know if it is love or lust before we commit or hart to an idea.

Excitement: When we discover something that makes our hart sing we want to build it it up, increases scope, make it something even more wonderful then it already is. This is true whether it is an idea or a project or something we have created. We work on the project then put it down then think wait what if I do this it will be even better. This excitement can distract us from the other necessary tasks in our life and make a simple thing become an incompressible mess. We must be willing to set aside our excitement, our reckless energy and step away from what we are working on, both to look at it from the outside and so as not to overwork it. This is one of the cycle of failure I have in my life: have an idea, work on it polish it get it ready for production, add another layer to it, add yet another layer, tinker with it and when I am done I have something to unwieldy to even work with.

There is one other key bit of inspiration that I took from the video and it comes near the end. The gray cat has been struggling with the ice cream carton on its head and has all but given up. It sits down and raises one half hearted paw to try and swipe at the problem one last time and then something happens. A second cat shows up and taps the first on the shoulder and just like that the container falls from its face. Some times when we let our ideas grow too big or we rush in without thinking all we need is a friend to tap us on the shoulder and say is that really such a good idea. It is important to seek the council of those we trust before we start a new endeavor or give our hart away to a new idea.

The friends of personal growth: part 5

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends.

The last guest to arrive at the party is Vision. Vision is the quiet intellectual friend who hangs out and quietly watches every one else. He sits patiently looking at what every one else in the group is doing but only gives his advice when asked four.

Vision is our guide on our journey of personnel growth, it allows us to see were we are going and were we wish to be. Vision let us see our selves as we wish to be and begin to lay the ground work for us to become the person we wish to be. The most powerful use of vision is to help us adjust our coarse as we travel.

When we make our plans and deiced were we wish to be we often set our hart on a path and refuse to deviate from it. often when we are working to change other aspects of pour personality and attitude shift, so that when we arrive at the goals we have set for ourselves they no longer fulfill our needs. The solution to this is turn our sight inward and look at were we are and at the same time look to were we want to be. As we take sight of these two points we can keep shifting the destination to suit the person on the journey.

Keep your goals fluid, keep your eyes open for how you are changing and the changes in your dreams. Enjoy the party, talk with personal growth and it's friends and make them your friends as well. Have a great holiday and a beautiful day.

The friends of personal growth: part 4 Action

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends. We have met and chated with honesty, Dedication and The Plan so far and the next guest has just arived, Action.

Action is the member of Personal Growths circle of friends who gets everyone moving. The plan knows whats going on sure, but Action is the one who gets everyone on board and moving in the right direction.

When we decide that we are going to change our lives we can dream, we set goals, and we can plan all we want but if we do not put our selves out there and actually do the things we say we are going to then we will never see results. The Plan is only as powerful as our ablity to make it happen. But waht can we do to maintain action and keep our selves moving.

So here is your call to action, if your plans for personal growth have slowed or stagnated or if you have things you have been meeting to change. Do it stand up and get started right now. Make this the present you give yourself this holiday season: look at your plans and do what you have said you will. Quit worrying about what will happen if you fail because you will never relies your dreams if you do not start making them happen.

With out action we are all talk, stuffed shirts and holow men. If we are not putting effort and action in to creating the lives we wish to live then we are betraying our selves and refusing happiness when it is there for the taking. Take action, take happiness and take control of your life.

here comes the plan to steel Action away from us. They are probably off to figure out were the after party is going to be. There is still one more guest at Personal Growths holiday party that we need to talk to, lets go over and say hi.

The friends of personal growth: part 3 The plan

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends. So far we have met Honesty and Dedication.

The next friend of Personal Growth to show up is the hipster of the click, it likes to call it's self The Plan. The plan shows up to the part and everyone at the party flocks to it wanting to know what is going on, what happens next and how we are all getting there.

After we have been honest with ourselves and dedicated ourselves to the goals of personal growth, we need a plan to make the change happen. Planing is the proses of turning our dreams in to goals. The plan has to be fluid and flexible while still setting out the road markers that help us find the way to were we want to be. There are to aspects to this kind of planing the long view and the short view for the plan to be effective.


The long view

When we talk about long view planing we are not always talking about were we want to be in five years or ten years. We are talking about the big changes we want to see in our lives weather they happen in a few months or in a few years. The long view covers the things we have to change if we want our life to better and represents the place we want to be in our lives. The long view can be as concrete or as abstract as you like in the beginning but as you move towards realizing it you must allow it to crystallize in to a precise concept and goal other wise there will be no clear steps to take to reach it.

For example when I started working on this blog a few months ago my long term plan was to "I want a creative job. I want to work from home.I want to take control of my finances.I want to own my own home. In four years I want to be in a position to bring a son or daughter in to my family." Since then my goals have solidified a bit and I have decided I want a job in journalism as I see this as a creative outlet that can help generate the stable income I want to realize the other goals on my list.

The short view

The short view planing is all about how do i make it to the long view. These are the day to day goals set specifically with reaching the long view in mind. If the long view is our destination then the short view plan is the turn by turn directions on how to get there. Again fluidity is important here, the ability to adjust and adapt are plans to the situations and opportunities that we encounter along our journey. We have to be prepared to take detours and stop at the rest stops along the way. When we try to control our journey to much we loose sight of the real purpose behind personnel growth: Being happy.

When we put the long term and short term aspects of The Plan in place and satay Dedicated to the path we have chosen form our own Honest self analysis we set our selves on the the path to truly being happy. So wtith these thoughts in mind we will leave The Plan to talk to it's fans and move back over to the door to be introduced to Personal Growths next friend.

The friends of personal growth: part 2 Dedication

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends. While we have been hanging out with honesty over at the punch bowel a new guest has arrive. Lets go and say hello to Dedication.

Of all of Personal Growths friends Dedication is the most reliable, it is there when ever Personal Growth is feeling down and needs some one to help shoulder the load. When Honesty has said to much Dedication is there to sit quietly and hold personnel growths hand saying we can do this, we can change this.

Once we have decided to make a change in our lives dedication is the strongest tool we have to make that change become real. What does dedication mean? It means we put our selves wholey in to our goal, giving our selves up to the proses of change with a willingness to see the proses to it's end. If you are not willing to dedicate your self to personal growth then don;t even bother starting. All you will do is waste your time and energy to wind up were you started, if you are lucky, if you aren't lucky you will have reinforced your weaknesses and be even more unhappy then when you started. But if you are willing to put in the effoert and make a dedicated effort to change then you can not fail as failure is just the result of giving up.

So what steps can we take to increase our dedication and bolster it when we are feeling weak?

1 Self assessment. Taking the time each morning to review your goals and the time each night to review what you have done to accomplish them. Dedication does not demand that you hit the mark every day but that you try to hit the mark every day.

2 Don't stop. Dedication is not about quick successes it is about the power of slow constant effort.

3. Form habits. When we make a habit of doing anything it stops being something we concouisly focus on doing and becomes a part of our lives. By turning the behaviors we want to see in our lives in to habits we begin to do them with out thinking about it.

4. Start early. Build the practice of dedication into your efforts to change from the beginning, or as close to the beginning as you can. Knowing you committed to change and unwilling to give up at the beginning of a project creates a condition of expected success.

When times get rough, it becomes easy to slack off on our goals, to get boged down in the ires of hardship. However if we have cultivated an attitude of dedication to our goals we will be more inclined to keep on keeping on when we need it. The practice of dedication can become a source of peace from the turmoil of daily life.

When we choose to work on some aspect of our lives or any task we deem important we must dedicate our selves to it. Put all our effort in to the task and see it through to the end. As for Dedication we will show it over to a nice chair by the fire were it can watch Personal Growths holiday party while it waits to help clean up the dishes afterward.

The friends of personal growth: part 1 Honesty

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends. So lets get started I would like to introduce you to the first friend of personal growth, Honesty.

Honesty may be the closest friend the personnel growth has. This is the friend that is willing to call growth on the mistakes it makes and on the areas were it needs more work. If we do not look at our lives with honesty and decrement we will never even acknowledge the real problems in our lives. If we never acknowledge the problem we will never work on it and all our change will be for nothing.

We all have truths in our lives that we do not want to face, things we do not want to talk about even in the privacy of our own head. These are the things we have done that bring us shame or the impulses we do not want to control even though we know they are bad for us. To avoid these subjects we tell our self lies and either ignore the problem or adress a symtom rather then look for a cure.

An example: Maintaining a healthy diet is something i strive to do but do not have all that much luck with most of the time. As some of you may remember I have had successes giving up soda but this is not the real problem but just a symptom. The core of the problem is composed of two factors: I want food which is quick and easy and I have a horrible sweet tooth. To correct my bad eating behaviors (a package of Oreos is not dinner) I have to be honest with my self about the source of the problem and only then can I start to correct it.

Being on honest with our selves is the place to start whenever we look at our lives whether we want to change or not. Chance are however if we do take the time to make an honest assessment of were we are today we will see some areas were we want to grow or change. Honesty loves to talk but things that few people ever listen to what it has to say. So lets take Honesty's coat and hat and show it over to the punch bole and ask for it's opinion while we wait for some of personnel developments other friends to arrive.