Doers Do

Just a quick thought for today as it is a busy morning for me.

When I was a kid I would like to sit around the house reading or watching TV rather than going out and playing. My mother would, as others do, try to get me to go out and play or to at least get some exercise. When I would complain that I was tired, at least I think that was my excuse, she would tell me, “Energy creates energy.”

As true as it was then, it is true today. There is nothing like doing to make more doing possible. Call it momentum, call it being focused, call it what you like. If we start working it becomes easier to do more work. As we create the habit of being active we make it easy to be active.

Another thing I have been told is, “A writer writes.” A lot of people will talk about being writers or wanting to be writers, but without the words on the page, all it is, is talk. The only way to do anything is to start, and it gets easier from there.

Remember the moment

While I may not be the most patriotic monkey in the barrel, there is something to be said for Memorial Day. Without the sacrifice of those who have come before we would not be where we are or have what we have. Whether we are taking time today to remember those who fought in wars or those who sacrificed their lives for us in some other way it is good to remember them and to honor them.

The giving of a life does not even have to mean the death of one who gives it. Parents give their lives for their children every day. They make sacrifices in what they want because they want their children to have more than they did.

Speaking of children there is another element to Memorial Day. It’s the traditional start of summer vacation. With this comes the looking forward to things to come, to warm summer nights and being out late; a relaxation of rules and living a bit freer.

Between these two aspects of Memorial Day, remembrance and expectation, is the starting point for personal growth. When I first set out to change my life I started with these two questions: where have I been? Where do I want to go?

To achieve what we want we must not ignore the past for that is where the lessons lie. On the other hand we cannot ignore the future as that is where our destination is. But in looking back and forth we must also realize that we can only make changes now. The present is a time for action based on the lessons of yesterday and the dreams of tomorrow.

As a nation remembers, it is important for us to remember that memory is happening now, that we are in the moment of remembering and that we can honor that memory by being a person that those we remember would be proud of.

The building blocks of personal development

There are a lot of skills and techniques talked about when it comes to personal development. I think below all of the different methods of growth is a basic tool kit of traits that we use no matter the method. Each of these elements can be grown and built up and once you or I become strong in these areas the factors of our life that made us wish to change in the first place will be easier to deal with. When we combine these with a road map of goals and dreams our lives will be transformed, not suddenly and miraculously but over time the hard work will pay off.

Confidence: Without confidence in ourselves and in the tools we are using for personnel growth we can find it easier to doubt and give up on the tasks we set for ourselves. Self confidence also creates an attitude of presupposed success which can be very useful for keeping us motivated. Even if confidence is an area you struggle with by simply focusing on doing things you know you will be successful at you can build it. Each success you have in your day is another brick to add to the foundation of confidence.

Honesty: When we look at ourselves we need to admit the problems we are having honestly. When we hide the real issues we are dealing with from our selves we never get a chance to work on what the problem. At best we are only treating the symptoms. We also need to be honest about the factors that contribute to our successes, sometimes from a lack of confidents we tend to give the praise to others when we are deserving of that praise. Be honest about victories and failures and use them to learn.

Willingness: We must be willing to change. If we are just paying lip service to the ideas that personnel development is good for us but willing to make sacrifices or do hard work nothing will change. When we decide that we are going to grow and change then we stop being self defeating, we stop sabotaging ourselves and the work becomes much easier.

Perseverance: The power to keep going
when the going gets tough. Perseverance keeps us going; it is the stubborn mule that will not stop until it reaches the top of the hill. It also keeps us from failing, as long as we are willing to keep trying to do something we have not failed.

Willpower: This is the resistance to the things that would pull us down. Willpower can keep us from being diverted from our course of growth and change. If perseverance is the mule willpower is the reins keeping you on track and heading in the right direction.

Wisdom: The ability to discern what is good for us and the world and what is detrimental. Wisdom comes with experience; from learning from our successes and failures.

Under the hood of the onion

We are onions. Do you know why onions make us cry? There is a chemical reaction that occurs when you break through there layers that creates a weak version of tear gas. So I will say it again we are onions. We put on layers of personality that cover up our root self and when these layers are broken it can cause emotional distress, even tears. The problem with these layers is that they make it harder to see ourselves and they create false stresses in our lives. Now don't get me wrong these layers of self image protects the fragile core of our being from the rough and tumble nature of our world and this is an important and necessary function. However if we are ever to truly change and grow we have to look past our shields and see in to our own hart.

So wear to do these layers come from? I don't want to start a debate over nature and nurture, but I think they both play a role in the building of identity. These layers are constantly shifting, they come from our attitude towards our country, our social circles, sports teams we support, churches we go to hell it can even come from the blogs we read. The layers are the adjectives we use to describe ourselves look at me for example some of my layers are gay, gamer, male, student, liberal, smart cat owner. These are ways I see myself and more importantly ways that I can feel vulnerable when people want to insult me. We get defensive when our layers are challenged; we see this as an attack on who we are.

However these layers are more than just targets for hurt feelings. Think of them as the hood of your car underneath it is yourself awareness that which dives you that bit that makes you human. Without the armor of these layers it would be exposed to the world. Better to set a few targets out to let the world take shots at then to risk damaging the self. Sometimes big events, deaths, births, car accidents blow holes in these layers of protection and we have a life changing event. These are the moments when we see ourselves and start to see the need for change in our lives.

Once this process has begun we can start learning how to lift the hood and work on the engine. This is the process of personnel growth, the process of transforming our lives from what they are to what we want them to be. The trick to lifting the hood and seeing through the layers is introspection. An honest and unrelenting, unflinching look at who we are and why we make the choices we do is the only way we can know our selves. There are many techniques for doing this, some find meditation helps, I prefer writing. The important thing is to find a time a place and a method where you can look at yourself and take an honest assessment of who we are.

To all of you who have, like me, taken upon yourself the labor of becoming a better person, a happier person: congratulations! We are not alone in this. While the work is hard and the road can be long we can do this we can change and make life what we want it to be. Understanding the ways we define ourselves is an important first step and seeing below those definitions is just as important. Have a great weekend and if you agree with me or disagree leave me a comment.

The friends of personal growth: part 5

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends.

The last guest to arrive at the party is Vision. Vision is the quiet intellectual friend who hangs out and quietly watches every one else. He sits patiently looking at what every one else in the group is doing but only gives his advice when asked four.

Vision is our guide on our journey of personnel growth, it allows us to see were we are going and were we wish to be. Vision let us see our selves as we wish to be and begin to lay the ground work for us to become the person we wish to be. The most powerful use of vision is to help us adjust our coarse as we travel.

When we make our plans and deiced were we wish to be we often set our hart on a path and refuse to deviate from it. often when we are working to change other aspects of pour personality and attitude shift, so that when we arrive at the goals we have set for ourselves they no longer fulfill our needs. The solution to this is turn our sight inward and look at were we are and at the same time look to were we want to be. As we take sight of these two points we can keep shifting the destination to suit the person on the journey.

Keep your goals fluid, keep your eyes open for how you are changing and the changes in your dreams. Enjoy the party, talk with personal growth and it's friends and make them your friends as well. Have a great holiday and a beautiful day.

The friends of personal growth: part 4 Action

We have spent a good bit of time talking about things to avoid when trying to make changes in our lives, procrastination, distractions, and doubts just to name a few. Lets call these the enemies of personal development. With the holiday season directly on top of us now I thought it would be nice to shift from talking about personal growths enemies and start talking about its friends. We have met and chated with honesty, Dedication and The Plan so far and the next guest has just arived, Action.

Action is the member of Personal Growths circle of friends who gets everyone moving. The plan knows whats going on sure, but Action is the one who gets everyone on board and moving in the right direction.

When we decide that we are going to change our lives we can dream, we set goals, and we can plan all we want but if we do not put our selves out there and actually do the things we say we are going to then we will never see results. The Plan is only as powerful as our ablity to make it happen. But waht can we do to maintain action and keep our selves moving.

So here is your call to action, if your plans for personal growth have slowed or stagnated or if you have things you have been meeting to change. Do it stand up and get started right now. Make this the present you give yourself this holiday season: look at your plans and do what you have said you will. Quit worrying about what will happen if you fail because you will never relies your dreams if you do not start making them happen.

With out action we are all talk, stuffed shirts and holow men. If we are not putting effort and action in to creating the lives we wish to live then we are betraying our selves and refusing happiness when it is there for the taking. Take action, take happiness and take control of your life.

here comes the plan to steel Action away from us. They are probably off to figure out were the after party is going to be. There is still one more guest at Personal Growths holiday party that we need to talk to, lets go over and say hi.

Why we want to change

What is it that motivates us to want to be different from what we are today? This is a question that has been running around in my head like a five year old at a birthday party for several days now. Despite all this thinking I still don't have a good answer. I know that in my life I have needed to change for a while and at the urging of others have tried to change and grow but until recently it was not motivated from inside and so it never stuck.

With out the strong personnel desire to become a better person our efforts will not succeed. That is to say if we do not want to change we won't. So how do we create the desire to change? Is it watching something or someone slip through our fingers as a result of our stubbornness? Is it the inability to help those around us who need it? Is it realizing that we could be so much more if we just tried harder?

I think all of these elements play a role and there are probably as many reasons as there are people. However at the same time it all boils down to that moment of realization that we are not perfect; that our identity and capabilities are always a work in progress. I also believe that most of us who struggle for personnel growth realize at some point that we change every day even if we are not trying to. With that realization comes the understanding that we need to control that change or become someone we do not want to be.

Personnel change is just that personnel, without wanting it for ourselves we will not change. Our friends and family telling us how good we are and all the great things we could do will not motivate us to become the person they see in us. It is one when we see our own potential and take responsibility for realizing it that we will actually have the power to change.

What are your motivations for personnel growth? Let us know in the comments and have a great day.

Resource and obstacle card

Some times when looking at the problems of life I start to feel overwhelmed. It fells as if there is no clear solution when this happens. I do have a tool I use in this situation: Resource and obstacle cards. These are a great way to get a handle on the problem. The cards are easy to make and the process helps to calm me down and focus my energy on the problem at hand.

I start by making a list of the resources I have for dealing with the situation. I jot down every little thing that I can think of that will help me. Once that is done I start on a list of obstacles that must be overcome. Now I go back to the first list and start to categorize my resources making a new list were each category has its own color. Categories vary widely from problem to problem but some examples from situations past are time (resources that take up my time to use) money (things I could buy to help with the problem) and people (friends or family who have offered to help out with whatever is going on).

All the prep starts me thinking about what I have to work with and what I need to overcome. With my mind focused and ready to create a solution I begin the next step: cutting up my lists. Each color coded resources and obstacles are placed on the table. I can now begin to move them around, seeing how they may relate to one another. I jot down any interesting combinations that arise and keep going.

Now with a list of possible solutions I begin to think through each one and see which makes the most sense to me. Is it practical, is it realistic and how much of each plan I can do without having to burden others. Then I start to take the steps to put the plan in to action.

While I do not resort to this very often it is a physical model of my thought process when trying to solve a problem. When I find myself stuck on where to begin this definitely helps me focus and find a bit of firm ground on which to stand. What do you do when you feel there is notsolution for the problem at hand? Let me know in the comments and have a great day.

Setting aside your doubts

The biggest stumbling block in the process of changing my life is doubts. I doubt that I can succeed at what I set out to do, I doubt my skills and I doubt the encouragement I get along the way. I am sure this not a problem that is unique to me, most of us struggle with our doubts. So how can we put aside out doubts and move forward?

I feel the first step in this is setting aside our fear of failure. We doubt our selves because we treat failure as a risk rather than a teacher. If we look to the experience of loosing as something we can grow from it goes from being an ending to being just another tool of self development.

The second tool for overcoming our doubts is to remember that it is better to fail by doing then fail by not doing. If we take no action there will be no result; that is guaranteed, if we take action, if we try to make a change then there is a chance of a positive outcome.

That said there is one doubt that when it comes to mind we must examine. When that nagging voice in the back of our head is saying “is this the right thing to do?” we must sit down and look for what that little voice is really saying. Sometimes what this voice says is I'm scared and in that case refer to the two previous paragraphs. Other time what the little voice is saying is this does not agree with our values we should not do this. Then it is time to redesign the action. Think about how the result your are trying for and how can it be achieved in a way that does not comprise who you are and who you want to be.

Doubts are the greatest single hazard on the journey to living the life we want. If we cannot find solutions for dealing with doubt we may never start on the journey at all. So I ask you when doubt rears its ugly head in your life how do you deal with it. Let us know in the comments.

Inertia in the age of instant gratification

Sitting down to write today is hard, I have been trying to decide on a good topic to share with you and nothing is coming to mind. So I did the only thing I could think of to get the creative process started: went and took a shower. Sure enough an idea came to me: Inertia. That is the problem I am facing today and what I need to talk about.

Here is one of the biggest problems I have with making changes in my life: I want to see results now! Not in a week or a month or even a year but today. I hate waiting for my hard work to pay off. We have to overcome our personnel inertia if we want to change our lives. This inertia is both a good and a bad thing. The bad: At the beginning it makes our job harder as the friction and gravity of our old habits hold us back. The good: When we have good habits in place that same force of personnel inertia will help carry us forward and keep us on track.

But what exactly is personnel inertia: simply put it is the tendency we all have to keep doing the same things we have always been doing. We feel safe and comfortable in our daily ruts even if we are not happy where they are leading us. No matter how hard it may seem we have to keep on trying to change and learning how to make the best decisions possible.

So as we push our selves along I encourage you to keep at it and keep working on the things you need to change. I know I will be. And if you have any tips or tricks for keeping motivation alive in the face of personnel inertia feel free to share in the comments below.

The first step

The first step in taking back my life must be to decide what I want it to be. Saying "I want a job I love that can support my family" is fine but it is not specific. What kind of job would I love? What constitutes support? What is family? In order to craft goals that will lead me to the place I want to be it is important to know what that place looks like. Up until now I have drifted through life taking things as they come, which is pleasant for a while but now I have washed up on the shore of my late 30's feeling lost. It is time to find some landmarks and start hiking to where I want to be.

At this moment do I know where that is? No. However I can map the terrain of my life, get my bearings and then begin to look for the place I want to be. But what are the qualities of this happy little valley of contentment I am looking for? For now I will work with these:

• I want a creative job.
• I want to work from home.
• I want to take control of my finances.
• I want to own my own home.
• In four years I want to be in a position to bring a son or daughter in to my family.

As the map of my life comes together I am sure these goals will change. However at the moment these are the things I am looking for. Do you want to be some were else in your life? Sit down and draw the map of the place you want to be. Share it with us here so we can congratulate you as you take the steps to get there.

edited 7/27/2010

Statement on Intent

Statement on Intent

I have made the decision to take my life back. I am at a point where I have found myself with a job I hate that does not pay the bills, a pile of debt and living with my in-laws. My goals are to find a job I love with which I can support my family and find a place of our own.

This blog will be a record of what I am doing to create the life I want for myself and make my dreams come true. I am hoping along the way to discover some tips and tricks that I can share with my readers. I also would like to use the blog as a place I can turn for accountability and support. If you have things that you are looking to change in your own life or have techniques that work please feel free to share them with me.

edited 7/26/2010