The building blocks of personal development

There are a lot of skills and techniques talked about when it comes to personal development. I think below all of the different methods of growth is a basic tool kit of traits that we use no matter the method. Each of these elements can be grown and built up and once you or I become strong in these areas the factors of our life that made us wish to change in the first place will be easier to deal with. When we combine these with a road map of goals and dreams our lives will be transformed, not suddenly and miraculously but over time the hard work will pay off.

Confidence: Without confidence in ourselves and in the tools we are using for personnel growth we can find it easier to doubt and give up on the tasks we set for ourselves. Self confidence also creates an attitude of presupposed success which can be very useful for keeping us motivated. Even if confidence is an area you struggle with by simply focusing on doing things you know you will be successful at you can build it. Each success you have in your day is another brick to add to the foundation of confidence.

Honesty: When we look at ourselves we need to admit the problems we are having honestly. When we hide the real issues we are dealing with from our selves we never get a chance to work on what the problem. At best we are only treating the symptoms. We also need to be honest about the factors that contribute to our successes, sometimes from a lack of confidents we tend to give the praise to others when we are deserving of that praise. Be honest about victories and failures and use them to learn.

Willingness: We must be willing to change. If we are just paying lip service to the ideas that personnel development is good for us but willing to make sacrifices or do hard work nothing will change. When we decide that we are going to grow and change then we stop being self defeating, we stop sabotaging ourselves and the work becomes much easier.

Perseverance: The power to keep going
when the going gets tough. Perseverance keeps us going; it is the stubborn mule that will not stop until it reaches the top of the hill. It also keeps us from failing, as long as we are willing to keep trying to do something we have not failed.

Willpower: This is the resistance to the things that would pull us down. Willpower can keep us from being diverted from our course of growth and change. If perseverance is the mule willpower is the reins keeping you on track and heading in the right direction.

Wisdom: The ability to discern what is good for us and the world and what is detrimental. Wisdom comes with experience; from learning from our successes and failures.

Victories and Struggles

Sometimes the only thing we have to hold us together and keep us on track is our determination and will power. I know that is how it has been for me the last week. However having survived the week and won the field with nothing more than determination I will say this for its difficulty the victory is sweeter. While this is not a new lesson for me, it is yet another thing I learned from Role Playing Games it is something that it is good to be reminded of.

When we struggle and work for something that increases the value of it to us. Or put another way it focuses on the things that truly have value. The amount of hardship we are willing to endure to achive a desired outcome is based in how badly we want it. Common scents right? But here is the thing when we start to see the road become difficult we have one of two reactions we press on or we start a propaganda campaign.

The propaganda campaign has one target: ourselves. We create reasons why we don't want something we down play its value and we convince ourselves that it is not as great as we had hoped it would be. What we are really doing is making excuses to ourselves so we will not feel defeated when we give in and quit. Like a dog getting ready to lie down we walk in circles contemplating the ground we are on and make a place where all grass of desire is trampled flat. In this little nest of self deception we can stop trying to achieve something without feeling bad, the object of our desire not achieved but the desire its self disposed of.

The hard work will pay off as long as we do not give up and do not stop trying to achieve what we want. Some days the road may seem blocked and the weather stormy. But as we find the right tools and put in the effort the sky clears and stone by stone the road block is dismantled, or the goats well move on. We can achieve anything we do not give up on.

That said there is a wisdom in knowing when to quit, knowing when the effort to achieve something is more then what the object is worth. Unyielding determination can lead to obsession; this is why it is important to keep our goals reasonable and realistic. When we set a goal so far beyond our grasp we do damage to our selves, we create a situation where we will not taste victory and the long hard road of growth and achievement becomes a never ending hamster wheel of drudgery.

Create a network of support

It seems I have been talking a lot this week about not giving up, but I am not the only one. Over at wise bread I was reading an article by Sarah Winfrey on just that topic and it got me thinking about how we so often shoulder the troubles in our life alone. I know this especially true for me, I do not so much suffer from a fear of failing as a fear of other people seeing me fail. When things get rough in my life I don't let on and try to just keep the surface calm so no one will see the turbulence bellow.

This is not the right way to deal with hardships and troubles. The energy and effort we put in to looking like everything is fine just drains the energy we have to actual fix the problem. When we keep our problems to our selves, no matter how good we are at it our close friends and family will see that something is wrong. By not sharing our burdens with them we shut them out and cause them pain even if they are not aware of it on a conscious level.

When trouble comes calling we need to realize that we do have a support network in place. There are people who care about us and will most likely help us in any way they can. When a friend of ours listens to our problem and tells us they know we can handle it or that we will get through this together we become stronger. The knowledge that someone else has faith in us even when we doubt ourselves can be enough to keep us going and not to give up hope.

So how do we develop the network of support in our lives?

The most powerful way is to be there for others. Is there someone you care about that is going through some hard times? Let them know you are willing to listen. When we show we are there to listen and help we create a stronger bond with those around us and they will naturally become more concerned with our own well being.

Don't be afraid to show the pain. We are confronted every day with the question how are you? We get it at the grocery store, we get it from friends: we here all the time. So often we just respond without thinking and say fine, doing good, or OK. sometimes we need to be honest about how we feel, now I am not saying you should heap your problems on the waiter when you go out for dinner tonight but when a friends asks how are you doing give them an honest answer, and expect one in return. I used to work with a young lady who took this idea very seriously. When people came to work she would always ask them "how are you doing?" She would watch as they answered and if she did not believe there fine or OK, she would ask again "how are you really doing?" She got a lot of people to open up and I suspect that many shifts ran smother because of that one question.

The other important element of a network of support is to share the good times as well. When we have a victory in our lives and we want to celebrate it. This is the time to bring along those people you love and care about. When all we talk about is the hardship we are going through that weakens the bonds of friendship as much as only sharing a glossy, superficial version of our lives with them. We have to do more than just bring our baggage when we talk to our friends, we need to take them on the cruise with us as well.

So remember you are not going through your troubles alone. There are people out there who care about you and want the best for you. Help when you can and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. As always I welcome your thoughts in the comments section and if you know someone who needs to hear what I am saying send them a link. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend.

The hard truths of self improvement

Self improvement, personnel growth or finding your place in the world whatever you call it there are some hard truths we must face when we strive to make conscious changes in our lives. These hard truths force us to question our goals and to push aside the things we want for ourselves. They make us stop and question if the effort is worth it and can cause us to never begin the processes of change in the first place. In our journey to who we want to be these are the fallen trees in out path. By being aware of the obstacles in our way we can make a plan for dealing with them.

Hard truth #1: Change takes time. This is a simple thing to say but easy to forget. We are so encultured to want things to happen now and receive instant gratification. Because of this when our efforts do not show immediate results it is easy to discard the work we have done. We say to ourselves that what we are doing is not working and start trying something else. After trying three or four different things without results we give up feeling that we can't change and that we will always be the way we are.

When you feel this way remember, instant gratification is for candy bars and one night stands. These small bursts of instant pleasure come with consequence that far outweigh the moment of passion. Personnel growth is hard work and hard work takes time. There is no way around it so we must acknowledge the fact and make the effort to change.

Hard truth #2: We fear failing. It is often the threat of failure that stops us from even beginning to change. We may want to, we may need to but if we fear failure more then we value success we will not start. When we fail it reinforces the negative aspects of our own self image. Failure will happen to us all at one point or another important thing is to let it be a stumble rather than a fatal fall. Over at studdy hackes Cal Newport has some thoughts about keeping an exercise routine going but his ideas can be put to any area of self improvement.

But when we mess up and miss some days — which is inevitable — things snowball. Our short-term self argues with our long-term self that because we’ve messed up a little bit, it’s game over, and we can now default to eating poorly and stop exercising altogether.

Hard truth #3: We doubt ourselves. We wonder if the goals we have set for ourselves are relay the life we want. We worry that we will not be able to handle the success we are trying to achieve. The only way to overcome this doubt is to be honest with our selves. Have we chosen a path that is true to our values, dreams, commitments and passions? If we have then we will be happy when we arrive at the end of our journey. If we do the hard work of personnel growth with open eyes and an honest look at our own faults and weakness we will be able to handle the success we are striving for.

These hard truths cannot be ignored if we want to succeed in our search for self improvement. When you are confronted with a difficult situation how do you react? What are the hard truths you face in your quest for personnel growth?

Putting an end to procrastination

One of my goals last week was to stop putting things off. Procrastination has been a bad habit for me for a long time. While it took some effort it was interesting and fruitful to spend a week focusing on it. The liberation I felt when I stopped saying I will do that latter was immense. Why did this have such a big impact on me? First we need to look at what causes procrastination and the effect it can have on your life.

I personally procrastinate for two reasons laziness and fear. I do not want to stop doing something that I am enjoying to work on a chore, and I can always find something I want to do to fill my time. The other aspect, fear comes in to play when I am entering a situation where I am looking for an answer and know that when I find it I will not like it.

Even though procrastination is prompted by two different stimuli the results are the same. I find excuses not to do something that needs to be done. If procrastination only meant things did not get accomplished it would still be a problem but the situation is even worse than that. By putting something off we create a negative thought process associated with that task making it that much harder for us to do it the next time we think of it. Most of the time we put something off the problem we are avoiding gets worse. For example let’s say you decide to leave the dinner dishes until the morning to clean then you wake up have breakfast and have more dishes to clean. The problem grows. This is still not the full impact of procrastination. Knowing you have to accomplish something is tiring in and of its self.

When we set aside our tendency to put things off we accomplish more, we attach small projects when they come up and do not let them grow in to larger problems. Most importantly we do not sit around thinking about all we have to do. When the time comes to relax we are not burdened thinking of chores we have to do latter, instead we can truly enjoy our free time without distractions.

So how do you beat procrastination? Here are some suggestions:

1) Look for your stall phrases. I know when I am asked to do something I often hear myself say "I will do it in a moment." Which used to mean: I will do it when you remind me a few more times. Now when I hear those words come out of my mouth I try to pull myself away from what is going on and get to work.

2) Be honest with yourself The problem with procrastination is that we make excuses to ourselves to justify it. We tell ourselves little lies that reinforce the reality we want to be true and disregard the reality that is. When this happiness the only way to deal with it is to call ourselves out for being dishonest and look at the situation as realistically as we can.

3) Face up to your fears When you know bad news is coming avoiding it will only make it worse. Unpaid bills just get bigger and the emotional pain we may cause others just gets harder to forgive. When you are afraid to face a situation and you avoid it not only do you live with the dread of facing it every day but you make the chance of a negative outcome greater.

One other benefit to putting aside procrastination is the feeling of accomplishment that completing projects brings. We have talked about small victories in the past and how they help prepare the way for larger victories. If you want to fill your day with these small wins then stop procrastinating. Every time you do something now instead of latter it is small victory and will help teach you how to be successful.

When you find yourself mired in a swamp of procrastination what do you do to pull yourself free?

Reclaiming the battle field

In all our lives we have suffered failures that have left our self image laying limp and lifeless on the muddy battlefield. Sometimes the scars of these battles have become the seeds of low self confidences or shyness or another defeatist attitude. No matter what the attitude is it will hamper our growth and stops us from living the life we want. Today we are going to talk about going back and gaining victories on that battlefield, taking back what has been taken from us and using that energy to reclaim the life we want.

Before we go any farther I want to make it clear this is not a fix for every problem and every failure in your life. As tools go this one is more of a hammer then it a multi tool. It will do one thing and do it well so it is up to you to know when to use it.

As I announced last week I am going back to school. I have decided to start my course work at my local junior college for a few reasons, it is convenient to where I live, it is cheap to go there (comparatively) and it is a good school. While all those were factors in my decision they were not the main reason I have chosen to return to the JC. This school is one of the places where I feel I have been defeated in the past and I want to get a victory there in order to help build my scholastic confidences.

When I did my first few trips to collage I was there for the wrong reasons: It was what you did after high school, my parents wanted me to go to school and it was better than working full time. However I went in with no real idea of what I wanted to get out of the processes so instead of getting an education I sat in the student lounge and learned to play bridge. Because of this I never left the junior college for a four year school and I have spent my life drifting from jobs that require more training then education. These jobs have left me feeling unsatisfied and rather unworthy of many of the things I want in life.

Now I am going back to school and I am starting were I have faltered before to prove to myself I can win on this battlefield. This time I am coming armored in purpose, armed with a set of goals I wish to achieve and with my life map and personal compass ready to consult should I find myself drifting off course. When I win this battle I know that I will be able to use the momentum I gain from it to bring me to the end of my studies and out the other side to a job I want and can take pride in.

So how can we generalize this tactic? This idea is simple but the execution can be hard or downright scary. Think of a situation that went badly solely based on your action. Now try to recreate that situation and relive it in a positive way. Use the self understanding and growth you have undergone since your defeat to not only take the field again but to win. Part of this process is knowing when to pick the fight, do it on your terms and your own time.

This advice may seem general at first and it is each battle we face will require different tactics but at the same time if we do not choose to refight our old battles then we are left with the defeat. Taking up arms and challenging the events in our lives that have created our negative attitudes will help us create a new positive mind set. If you have any thoughts or questions I would love to hear them in the comments below. Be valiant, be brave and have a great day

Seeing improvement

We have talked a lot about passions this week and how we can use them to influence ourselves in situations that we find boring. We have talked about how to find our passion and how to use it to guide ourselves to the place we wish to be in life. I have noticed a change in some of my passions since I started my journey of conscious self improvement.

On thing I have always loved is the written word. Well to be honest it has always been a love hate relationship. Being dyslexic things like spelling have always been difficult for me, on the other hand books have been my constant companion since childhood. One of my dreams when I was younger was to be a published author and I have chased that dream on more than one occasion.

While I have always been praised by parents and teachers for the stories I have concocted I have never really taken the process of writing seriously. That has changed since I started writing the blog on a daily basis. I find myself more critical of my own work and more emotionally involved in the editing process. Before it was enough to get the idea from my brain to the paper while fine tuning the product was dull. I think a part of the change in my attitude is a growing sense of pride in what I am doing.

That growing sense of pride is something I want to hold on to and help develop into a more confident nature. I also am happy to note that I have begun to hold myself to a higher standard. The point of all this is that change is possible and subtle. You may not see it as it is happening but it is there. Take some time this weekend to look back on who you were a month ago and who you are today.

A small victory

I want to share a success story with you from my life.

Last Tuesday a friend of mine gave me a seven day pass to the gym where he works out. Tuesday to Saturday we went in and did our cardio and weight training together. Each time it was him suggesting that we go while I desperately looked for an excuse to just stay home. Sunday rolls around and he is too busy to go but suggests I go anyway. Now the old Quinn would have taken the opportunity to sit at home and play video games or watch TV (the remake of the prisoner was premiering which normally would have been enough to keep me glued to the couch), but instead I thought about how proud I would be of myself if I went. I got dressed, drove to the gym and did my work out by myself.

It may not sound like much but and it isn't when you look at the big picture. However it is a small victory for me and proof that I can change. It is one more brick for my foundation of success.

On a related note I have completed my week without soda and am going to renew that commitment. I even managed to survive a trip out for fast found on Saturday night by getting iced tea with my value meal. Successes is possible go out there and make it happen.

Have you had any small victories this past week? Share them in the comments below.