Seeking inspiration is hard. Sitting down in the morning and looking a new blank document every day and trying to decide how to fill it with words that are not just true but meaningful and helpful to myself and others can be a monumental task. The clock starts to tick down and the time to leave for class draws near. Anxiety mounts and I worry is this going to be the day that I miss posting a blog? Then I decide no and start to write about what I am feeling at the moment.
The thing that bothers me most about this way of thinking is that it assumes I am going to mess up and miss posting one day. This would be devastating to me at this point, writing every day has become part of who I am and an element of my identity. Also each post here is a symbol to myself that I can change that I can commit to something and succeeds. So what do I do? When the anxiety mounts and the fear starts to build I just write. The writing its self turns in to a meditation for me calming the fears and putting to rest the worry.
My partner thinks I should remove this stress (as he sees it) from my morning and start writing at night. This may be the wise and possibly a better way to use my time but then I would miss out on the centering process of writing. I would also be without the victory I receive every day from getting the blog posted. So I would like to thank you for sharing these moments of panic and clarity with me.