Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Morning Panic

Seeking inspiration is hard. Sitting down in the morning and looking a new blank document every day and trying to decide how to fill it with words that are not just true but meaningful and helpful to myself and others can be a monumental task. The clock starts to tick down and the time to leave for class draws near. Anxiety mounts and I worry is this going to be the day that I miss posting a blog? Then I decide no and start to write about what I am feeling at the moment.

The thing that bothers me most about this way of thinking is that it assumes I am going to mess up and miss posting one day. This would be devastating to me at this point, writing every day has become part of who I am and an element of my identity. Also each post here is a symbol to myself that I can change that I can commit to something and succeeds. So what do I do? When the anxiety mounts and the fear starts to build I just write. The writing its self turns in to a meditation for me calming the fears and putting to rest the worry.

My partner thinks I should remove this stress (as he sees it) from my morning and start writing at night. This may be the wise and possibly a better way to use my time but then I would miss out on the centering process of writing. I would also be without the victory I receive every day from getting the blog posted. So I would like to thank you for sharing these moments of panic and clarity with me.


Cait said...

When wre working on developing our selves and are doing something new we often become obsessed with this not failing thing. But guess what? EVERYONE fails some time. True change and development may not mean achieving you goal day after day after day, but picking yourself up and getting back on track Once you have erred. This means forgiving yourself, picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. Practice centers us in life, resilience and moderation balance us. And hey, it's never too late to start the day over.

Quinn said...

Hi Cait all that is true but I would rather fail because I tried rather then saying it is OK to fail i will do it this time. Just as successes gets easier with each win failure becomes easier every time we let it happen.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

But Quinn, failure doesn't happen as long as someone doesn't give up.

progress is in knowing the thin line which seperates those who are successful from those who fail do exactly the same things.

The only difference is those who are successful don't give up whereas those who fail throw in the towel.

I think the key is perserverence. It looks like you're doing fine to me.

Mark said...

I love to write in the morning. This seems to be the best time for me and once I do I feel more motivated and ready to see the rest of the day through. Writing clears out the cobwebs of my brain. Quinn thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

Quinn said...

Shelly I know this intellectually but emotionally i need to the crutch of having this daily successes in order to prove my self worth to myself. In my head i know i have value and that i can and will succeed at what i want to do. However that fire does not always burn in my hart and having some successes every day is a way to relight it when i need to.

Quinn said...

Mark the proses of writing seems to get my brain in a better spot then any other morning activity. it gets the thought proses started for me and, especially with this subject matter it gets me in touch with my emotional well being as well.

JACQUI said...

There is something about writing that helps clarify thoughts, clear out clutter and, for me, is so therapeutic.

I don't always blog every day but I write every day!

Sometimes Quinn, I find the more I try to 'think' of what to write, the less ideas I get. Ideas seem to come to me when I'm not trying.

I don't know - maybe it's a left brain/right brain thing?

Quinn said...

So true Jacqui, when I am in the car or sitting in class I have ideas but when i need them they are not always there.

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