Friday, January 1, 2010

Letting my self be me

A quick note before I get started, this is a post I have had in my head for a few weeks now. Two other posts that I read yesterday gave me the finally push I need to get this story told. I would like to thank Hulbert Lee at From the Bottom Up and Armen Shirvanian from Timeless Information for giving me the shove that I needed.

If we are not honest with our selves about who we are all the work we do to change and grow is built on an unsound foundation. We need to look into our own harts and know and except our selves for who we are only then can we begin to make the changes we want in our lives.

Let me share a story with you, it is a very personal story, an embarrassing story, and one that I am a littel scared to put out there even today. I may risk scaring away some readers with this but yesterday I challenged myself to be courageous and I think this is something I need to to put out there.

I am a gay man, that is the part of this story that I fear will loose me some readers but not the part that enbarses me. What does embarrass me is that I hid this from myself for many years, years I spent trying to live as a strait man and trying to find happiness in things that did not please me. My friends were all verry voacl strait nereds who alwas talked about girls, they never did anything and it was all talk but I tried to be like them because I wanted to be liked, I did not want to different.

Then I hit a low point in my life my girlfriend had left me, i had quit a job I hated and was moving in to a friends garage because my roommates were all moving out of the apartment we shared. I had two weeks in that apartment by myself, one of the first times I have ever been completely on my own. I had a long talk with my self during that time and came to except who I was and what who I was really attracted to.

Comeing out to myself was a great step and a relife and started a healing posses which is still working in me today 10 years latter. It still took me a while to come out to others in my life but none of my friends or family has rejected me and I am a happier person today for being honest with myself.

So today listen when i tell you if you are not honest with yourself about who you are then you will find yourself chasing false dreams and conforming to a self image that is not real. Thank you for reading to day, don't forget to fallow the feed and as alwys have a great day, and remember be yourself.


Cait said...

I'm very proud of who you are and love you so much. i agree completely that being alone -- truly alone -- is a really powerful moment for self-reflection. As a person who's lived alone for the last seven or so years, I'd say there's a downside to it, too. But man, you learn a lot about yourself when there's nobody looking over your shoulder =)

Quinn said...

@cait, that is so true

Belinda Munoz said...

I have listened to many coming out stories among my LGBT friends and the one similarity is always that the need to be true to oneself is much greater than the need to fit in or be like everyone else.

And I think the real lesson here for all of us is that each of us is unique regardless of the stereotypes that persist. We all first and foremost have to be honest with ourselves before we can truly begin to love ourselves. And loving ourselves is integral to being able to comfortably be in our skin -- to freely move about on paths we're compelled to follow, to pursue our dreams, to find happiness.

Good for you, Quinn. There are many out there who haven't quite found the courage that you possess and to them I only wish that they be one with truth. They might be surprised at how much times have changed and how accepting many of us have come to be.

Quinn said...

@Belinda Thank you for the kind words, it is not just an issue for the LGBT community to need to be true to our selves. I have friends who are huge nerds in to amine and role playing games who refuse to talk about that sort of thing in public for fear of how people will think of them.

Armen Shirvanian said...

Hey Quinn.

I hadn't seen this article but I'm glad I saw it on one of the incoming links. Good call on being bold here. I don't think you would lose one reader due to being open about something.

The more I see examples like this, the more I realize I need to do similar, like starting to post raps, or other items I might have held back on. There isn't any use to holding back.

Nice going.

Quinn said...

Thanks Armen, so often it seemed that we spend time worrying about what others will think and when we finally get around to being bold about something most people just have the attitude oh OK and go on with there lives with out even a blinked eye

Hulbert said...

Hi Quinn, thanks for linking this article to my blog. Doesn't it feel better now? You can be yourself now and it doesn't feel like you have a one thousand foot boulder hanging on your shoulders.

This is how I felt when I was hiding my real name. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You have taken the first steps towards self-realization and freedom.

Congratulations for doing this. I'm glad I wrote that post now because I made a change or impact (hopefully in a positive way) to someone else's life. Now, be yourself, and live life the way it's meant to be lived!

Quinn said...

hi Hulbert thanks for stopping by and sorry it took so long for me to catch your comment. it does feel better now especially not having to be vague about my partner, well as vague he does not like me talking about him to much on here.

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