Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The state of Me

So if you have read Up From The Ashes for any length of time you know I am a big fan of introspection. I thought I would take this morning to share a little of mine with all of you.

I am heading back to school after an extended 4th of July break today. For the most part school feels like it is going good, I do feel a lack of structure from the online classes and it takes a constant effort of will to do well in them. On one hand this is a good thing on the other it is not. Sometimes it feels like I have only a limited supply of will power and focusing it on school means taking it off something else. Hopefully however willpower will be like a muscle and the more I use it the stronger it will get.

I was talking to an interesting guy the other evening and we made plans to talk again but despite my efforts to contact him it never happened. Such is life, and I go on. While this makes me feel a bit unwanted and rejected I do have a good group of friends that want me around and I will get by. If I am going to find what I want in life I have to face that it may not be handed to me the first, second or fiftieth time.

I have this weird feeling lately. You know that drawer or closet in your house that you just shove things in to and you mean to open it and clean it out one day. I feel like I am on the verge of doing that in my life right now. The things I have worked on and the confidence I have built is giving me a foundation to dig deeper and take a look at some larger problems I have been avoiding. Wish me luck.


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