Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Letting it go

We have all been hurt, rejected, and mistreated by others and ourselves. These incidents leave scrapes, scares, and bruises on our emotional self that can cripple us on our journey to our happy little valley. We say to our selves that we could get over it if only so an so would apologize or take us back or whatever but the truth of the mater is the only one who can heal these wounds is ourselves.

The way we do this is truly forgiving those that wrong us, weather it is ourselves or another person. Just telling them that we forgive them is not enough we must understand in our harts that we are over the hurt. Easier said then done right? Here are some ideas on how to make forgivnes real.

The past is the past. No matter how much we might wish to be able to change things that have happened in our lives we can't. What is done is done and we can either agonize about the outcome of a situation or we can move on with our lives. If you are dwelling on things that can't change you are doing the mental equivalent of trying to knock down the Parthenon with one hand. You can push all day but in the end nothing will have changed except you will be tired hungry and defeated. It is better to look at the situation pull what lessons you can from it and walk away. Your effort is better spent on the things that can be changed and the lessons we gain from our injuries help us to avoid the same situations in the future.

Let it all out. Some times we hold on to painful memories because we have never talked about them. The burden of emotional pain is sometimes greater then what we can bear on our own but we try because we don't want to be perceived as winy, week or bitchy. Sometimes the best thing to do is sit down with the person who has wronged you and let them know. Do not attack them but just quietly tell them how what they did made you feel. Make them understand that this discussion is not about them it is about you and your feelings on the matter. And then offer them forgiveness for what they have done.

Forgive your self. The ability to forgive ourselves is one of the most important tools we have. We make mistakes, we don't reach the goals we want to, we hesitate and fail to take an opportunity that life present us. If we dwell on the times we have betrayed ourselves we will find ourselves curled up in the fetal position rocking in a corner crying. We must stop pulling out all our old failures and abusing our selves with them when ever we have a dark moment. The only trick I have found that works for this is to apologize to my self and make the commitment to do better in the future. The I accept the apology and move on from there.

The bottom line is that we must focus on what we can change in our lives and not dwell on the things we can not. We must learn from our actions and the actions of others and use this knowledge to create the life we want to live. Let the hurt go, let the emotional strains of the past relax and move on. Turn your face to the sunrise and press on towards that happy little valley.


Henri said...

I definitely agree that if you're dwelling on something that cannot be changed, you're making yourself a disservice. Although sometimes it can be hard not to do that :)

Quinn said...

@Henri quite true it becomes especially difficult at 3 in the morning when sleep wont come. Forgive, forget and keep a stash of happy thoughts ready when you need them

Armen Shirvanian said...

Hi Quinn.

You sure are right about ending up in the fetal position if we dwell on those times. It goes from below average to worse when we extend our negative thoughts.

Telling someone how they made us feel can sure surprise them when they made us feel bad, because I just read somewhere else that people don't inherently ever want to make us feel bad. Talking through it can help for the next time.

Letting it out keeps us healthy and clean on the inside.

Quinn said...

@Armen Thanks for stopping by. Not only does talking through it help for next time it decreases the anxiety we have when we interact with that person.

Anshu Popli said...

Hi Quinn.. Its a great help.. I will really try and use your suggestions, to help me out.. As I have some major letting go problems.

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